Monday, June 14, 2010
It is difficult to think of the graduation from high school of my oldest grandchild. What lies ahead? College, Career, Marriage, and all the troubles and joys she will experience. What kind of choices will she make? What hard lessons will she have to learn?
As her grandmother I want to save her from all the evils of this world, but know that if I could do so, she would remain a dependent child, not that responsible, independent adult I see her becoming.
Graduation is another death, another birth. She isn't the child sitting on my lap anymore, but she gives better, more meaningful hugs now. Hugs filled with the love she feels for me. She is the Honor student, but looks up to me, though I don't really know why. Maybe its the grandmother mystique. I certainly felt my grandmothers were both special, magical people. We lived with my father's parents until I was in high school. My grandmother told wonderful stories. My grandfather could do no wrong and I worshiped him.
My granddaughter has only me. Both grandfathers are deceased. The other grandmother is in a nursing home and doesn't always recognize family when they come to visit. So I become the one. I used to know my role in her life, but now I have to redefine myself as my darling girl will need to redefine herself, as we all are constantly redefining who we are. As she will grow and change, we all must continue to grow and change. As grandchildren look up to us, learn from us, so we are role models for all who meet us. It is a position we fill, whether we choose to or not. It is a burden, a responsibility we all carry, knowing others look to us for answers.
I wish you all well. I wish a wonderful future for my granddaughter. I wish us all love.